When I received my second breast cancer diagnosis, I wasn’t sure of my options until I met with my oncologist. She said it was aggressive cancer that would soon take my life if I did not start chemotherapy right away. My first diagnosis had been relatively easy. I only had to cut a small chunk of my breast and go through six weeks of radiation before I could have reconstructive surgery five years later. This time the cancer was spreading at a rapid pace.
I thought long and hard about my options and settled on the thought that I wanted to be at peace. I wanted to not only get rid of cancer but also defeat it. I tried to remove all doubt about its existence in my body, and that would require drastic measures on my part. Despite my decision to undergo a bilateral mastectomy, I know that cancer can return. You see, there is no guarantee that it will not, at least for me.
That is the cloud that every cancer patient lives under. Despite the number of surgeries we undergo, the pieces of our body we give up, the days in treatment that we sacrifice, we always think about recurrence at the same time we push through life. Our smiles mask the thoughts of recurrence when we feel pain, fatigued, or just not right. We reassure our family and friends that we are just fine, while discreetly questioning our cancer-free state. Our lives are lived cautiously in prayer, counting each day, and grateful for each breath.
So we often question if it was worth giving up our breasts to live.
I answer yes to this question because every day I have on this earth is an opportunity to speak to my children and grandchildren. It provides time to participate in the world and experience all it has to offer. It allows time to connect with fabulous folks who support each other or provide an opportunity to support the community.
I have made the right decision. To do everything within my power to get rid of cancer and move forward with life. I will continue to pray for life beyond today and for other survivors that have to make decisions to live without concern for tomorrow.